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Posts tagged with "Regina Mills"

This is the perfect music to listen to while reading this Onyx Queen installment.

Onyx Queen: Heroine of the A train

At approximately eleven-thirty last night, passengers on the downtown A train in Washington Heights found themselves on an express ride of terror when three unknown assailants killed seven passengers and proceeded to hijack the train and speed it on a collision course toward the 4th Street—Washington Square station.

That is, until a woman described as wearing a black wetsuit, a black trench coat, and a white mask disarmed and neutralized the assailants then managed to safely stop the train at the 14th Street—8th Avenue station before disappearing as mysteriously as she came.

Just who was the heroine of the A train? Eyewitness accounts vary in their description of their savior.

"She was Black. Don’t let these white folks tell you different. She was Black."

"She was tall. Like, Wonder Woman tall."

"She had that tan like Italian or Greek or something. She might’ve been mixed."

"She wasn’t like a hobo or anything. She smelled nice. Her perfume had this sorta fruit flower type smell."

"She came up to right about here. So she had to be like five-two, five-three, tops. She was tiny."

 "She was Puerto Rican. How do I know? ‘Cuz fuckin’ everybody’s Puerto Rican."

Police are currently investigating the identities of the assailants.

Eshu’s Evil Regal metalhead guide to awesome fucking metal that absolutely belongs on a playlist for Her Royal Majesty Regina Mills

I’ve been a huge metal head since I was at least 12 years old. I used to stay up late to catch MTV’s Headbanger’s Ball every Saturday at midnight (and then staying up even later to catch it again when it repeated at 1am), 

So it’s no surprise that a lot of the stuff I used to (and still!) love wound up on my iPod in Regina-related playlists.

Now, let me give you a note about my taste in metal. I like metal that is primal, visceral, and aggressive. It’s music I can feel in my gut, in my blood, and in my bones. It’s music that’s meant to get me out of my head, not tickle my eardrums. I don’t like metal that’s too refined, too watered-down, too safe. I like metal that’s a bit overwhelming, even scary. That’s what’s going to be reflected here.

Each album I list will have at least 3 songs that strongly parallel Regina’s personality and experiences. Because this is metal a lot of what follows will be dealing with: murder, madness, alienation, despair, and black magic.

  1. Pantera, Vulgar Display of Power. The first four songs (“Mouth for War,” “A New Level,” “Walk,” and “Fucking Hostile”) could’ve been penned by Regina herself.
  2. Metallica, …And Justice For All. Pay special attention to “The Shortest Straw,” “Harvester of Sorrow,” “The Frayed Ends of Sanity,” and “Dyers Eve.” Although “One” was originally written about war, the feelings and language can easily apply to Regina’s growing isolation in King Leopold’s court.
  3. Morbid Angel, Covenant. This is the album for Regina, vengeance, and dark magic. Especially “Pain Divine,” “Vengeance is Mine,” “Blood On My Hands,” and “Sworn to the Black.” “Rapture” is kind of an ode to Satan, but you can easily transfer it to being about Regina’s attitude towards saccharine goodness and light (aka Snow White).
  4. Danzig, Danzig II: Lucifuge. Again, another awesome album that fits Regina and dark magic so well. Right off the bat, add “Her Black Wings,” “Devil’s Plaything,” and “Pain in the World” to your playlist. Do it now.
  5. Slayer, Show No Mercy. I mean, just look at the title of that album. The songs to listen for are “Evil Has No Boundaries,” “Black Magic,” and “Show No Mercy.”
  6. Megadeth, Hidden Treasures. OK, this is cheating a bit because these are songs drawn from various sources and put on an album. But “No More Mr. Nice Guy,” “Breakpoint,” and “Angry Again” are the must-haves.
  7. Type O Negative, World Coming Down. Loss and grief and a bit of necromancy on the side? Hell yes! If there’s a metal album that captures how Regina feels grief, this is it. You need to listen to “Everyone I Love Is Dead,” “World Coming Down,” “Creepy Green Light,” and “All Hallows Eve.”
  8. Megadeth, Countdown to Extinction. Yeah, I know it’s two Megadeth albums. So what? It’s good shit. “Sweating Bullets,” “This Was My Life,” and “Ashes In Your Mouth” are the ones to listen for. A lot of this album is very political. On a personal and emotional level, taking account of one’s deeds and one’s life, and finding it less stellar than one’d hoped, are consistent themes in these particular songs. I believe Regina can strongly relate to that.
  9. Danzig, Danzig. Danzing again, Eshu? Yeah. And? Check out “Twist of Cain,” “She Rides,” “Soul on Fire,” and “End of Time.” If there’s a band that takes Regina’s darkness and makes it alluring and seductive, you can’t go wrong with Danzig. 
  10. Metallica, Kill ‘Em All. Another old school Metallica album? Fuck yes! I mean look at the fucking title! That’s the album for a Regina with zero fucks to give. “No Remorse,” “Seek and Destroy,” and “Am I Evil?” are fucking awesome. Technically, “Am I Evil?” is a bonus track and a cover song for the original by Diamond Head, but who cares.

I know I said these would be metal albums, but fuck it. You need some fucking Nine Inch Nails on your playlist. It’s simply not optional.

In particular, get your hands on With Teeth and Pretty Hate Machine.

  1. From With Teeth, “All the Love in the World” perfectly captures Regina’s bitterness and sorrow that Snow White gets so much handed to her. “Love Is Not Enough,” is pretty much a theme song for Regina being taught that love is weakness. “The Hand That Feeds” can easily be about Regina breaking free of the people and forces that sustain and imprison her. Edit: “Everyday Is Exactly The Same” could be the theme song for the Dark Curse.
  2. From Pretty Hate Machine, “Terrible Lie” can easily be about all the ways Regina’s been manipulated and misinformed her whole life, especially pedantic moralistic bullshit that never worked for her. “Something I Can Never Have” echoes a lot of Regina’s feelings about losing Daniel and the possibility for love, family, and hope for a better future. If there is a song that summarizes Regina’s feelings about how she’s been used and manipulated and corrupted by Rumplestiltskin, “Sin” is definitely the one.

As explained here, this post is a kind of “Eshu likes chocolate chip ice cream” post. If you prefer cheesecake, feel free to make and share your own post extolling the virtues of cheesecake.

Head canon: Regina is descended from Xena and Wolverine.

Clearly, Regina was meant to be named Rexena or Wolvergina.

How it happened? No idea.

Theory: one of those doors in “Hat Trick” leads to Ancient Greece Er Sort Of, and another one leads to a comic book universe.

How they crossed paths and made their way to the Enchanted Forest is anybody’s guess.

But I blame Jefferson because I can.

Note to self: Kiki’s love languages

So I did the test as Kiki, and this is what I got:

I kinda know for a fact that Regina would do this research and use it to her benefit.

Note to self: Regina’s love languages

I did the test and answered based on what I’ve seen Regina do on the show, especially how she responds to the ways people show her love and how she likes to express affection (when she has a choice and actually does get or give affection).

The results are interesting.

  • Unquestionably at the top was Physical Touch.
  • Tying for second place were Quality Time and Words of Affirmation.
  • Third was Receiving Gifts.
  • Fourth was Acts of Service.

Now gonna do it as Kiki.

That awkward moment when you realize that all through Neverland, Regina was Maxine from D.E.B.S.

Yeah, yeah, I know that she fits the profile of Lucy Diamond, but considering how Maxine is more capable and a better leader yet gets bumped to second place for the sake of Amy Bradshaw’s perfect score (not to mention her “heroism” vis-a-vis Lucy Diamond being based on a lie), I think it fits.

But mostly it’s because of this…

"It’s a trap."

"Trap."

(And Emma is definitely Amy Bradshaw, and Snow is Janet. I’d peg Ruby as Dominique if they hadn’t written her off the damn show.)

Onyx Queen Masterpost: Season 2

eshusplayground:

For the first masterpost, go here. This continues where “Letter,” “Hero,” and “Hell" left off.

This masterpost is for the new “season” or what have you of Onyx Queen. These will also be grouped by theme as the “series” progresses.

New ones will be in bold.

The return of Regina Mills

  1. Absence
  2. Dreams
  3. Monster
  4. D.O.A.

This may or may not be inspiration for Regina’s superhero outfit.

Just sayin’

(Source: darkparadiseprodz)

Onyx Queen: Strange tales from the graveyard shift

The Craigslist ad was some bullshit about paranormal researchers looking for physical evidence of the unexplained or the supernatural.

They promised strict confidentiality and a small stipend for stories that qualify. It was probably a bunch of college kids playing around with mommy and daddy’s money, but fifty bucks was fifty bucks.

As it turned out, they were a fair bit older than college age, and they seemed pretty goddamn serious. They knew what they were doing, that’s for sure. By the time the dude with the beard and glasses—what was his name? Jason? Jeremy?—turned the recorder on and sat it on the little fold-up table, it was obvious that these weren’t your average ghost hunters looking for ghostly voices in audio recordings.

The girl—her name was something that began with an M—flipped her hair and thumbed through the manila folder that contained the report.

"Could you tell us in your own words what you saw that night?" said Jason-Jeremy (or was it Jordan?).

Then out came the story like it was telling itself through the mouth and tongue.

The story was about four D.O.A.’s that came in a couple of weeks ago. All of them bulging, bloodshot eyes and wide-open mouths.

The hearts were completely missing. Not cut out—there were no incisions whatsoever—just gone. By the look of the damage done to the veins and arteries, the hearts were not merely removed, but ripped out.

The only time getting to someone’s heart through their ribcage is easy is in vampire movies. In real life, it takes a goddamn saw to cut through the bone and muscle and skin.

Hearts missing and major damage to the veins and arteries could be chalked up to a rare and unknown medical condition that caused the heart valves to explode. Maybe cardiology had an idea what the hell that was about. But four people with the same condition in the same room dying at damn near the same time? Not fucking likely.

Four people with the same symptoms dying within minutes of each other could be the work of an unknown substance that attacked the circulatory system. But, at the time of death, the only things in their bloodstreams were small traces of alcohol, marijuana, or and cocaine. One of them had slightly elevated blood glucose levels. So that ruled out poison or some new drug that’s about to hit the streets.

However it happened—

(Magic? No, there’s no such thing as magic.)

it was quick, it was by hand, and it was on purpose. The official cause of death was forcible cardiectomy.

The bearded dude with the glasses—Jimmy?—scribbled magic? on the margins of his notes.

When the story was finished, the girl—damnit, what was her name?—handed over a fifty-dollar bill. Ulysses S. Grant’s face was bent in half.

That fifty bucks went to a nice bottle of vodka.

This is Puppet Potter’s impersonation of how the writers treat Regina on OUAT.

This is Puppet Potter’s impersonation of how the writers treat Regina on OUAT.

So for your headcanon on Regina and sports, I had no idea what a goatskin was supposed to look like so I ended up picturing them fighting over something like a giant flag with the pelt of a crudely skinned goat tied to a pole by its horns.

You can find pictures and images through a Google search for buzkashi.

That awkward moment when you realize exactly what Regina meant when she said, “No matter how hard I try to please the king, he only thinks about his first wife.”

And you go, “Ewwwwww.”

Onyx Queen: The monster under the bed

eshusplayground:

eshusplayground:

Jenny’s a big girl now, so she’ll keep her promise not to tell Mama and Daddy what happened.

She woke up late last night because she had to pee. Snoogles had fallen off the bed, too far to reach. In the shiny depths of his black eyes, she saw the monster under the bed…waiting.

If she was quick, she could pick him up and get to the bathroom before the monster caught her. But the monster was fast. It could disappear under the bed or in the closet before Mama or Daddy could open the door.

She had to hurry before she peed in the bed again.

She jumped off the bed, landed next to Snoogles, picked him up—

but the monster grabbed her foot.

She clung to Snoogles as the monster dragged her toward its shadow realm under the bed, where every child who is taken is never seen or heard from again.

She wanted to yell for Mama and Daddy, but fear and the monster’s magic kept her mouth shut. The monster’s mouth opened wide and showed big sharp teeth (“All the better to eat you with!”).

Then the lady came out of the mirror and made the monster go away.

Jenny went to pee, and when she came back, the lady tucked her in just like Mama did. She was a pretty lady. Her eyes were clear and dark like Mama’s.

"Can you be a big girl and promise not to tell anyone I was here?" the lady said.

Jenny nodded. The lady smiled. A candy bar appeared in her hand.

"For later," she said.

Then she disappeared.

regina as an awesome superhero taking out demons and saving little kids yes

I have no idea what you’re talking about.

*hides the drawings of the costume*

*hides the beginnings of "season" 2*

*also hides the origin story*

*and the magic journals*

Onyx Queen: The monster under the bed

eshusplayground:

Jenny’s a big girl now, so she’ll keep her promise not to tell Mama and Daddy what happened.

She woke up late last night because she had to pee. Snoogles had fallen off the bed, too far to reach. In the shiny depths of his black eyes, she saw the monster under the bed…waiting.

If she was quick, she could pick him up and get to the bathroom before the monster caught her. But the monster was fast. It could disappear under the bed or in the closet before Mama or Daddy could open the door.

She had to hurry before she peed in the bed again.

She jumped off the bed, landed next to Snoogles, picked him up—

but the monster grabbed her foot.

She clung to Snoogles as the monster dragged her toward its shadow realm under the bed, where every child who is taken is never seen or heard from again.

She wanted to yell for Mama and Daddy, but fear and the monster’s magic kept her mouth shut. The monster’s mouth opened wide and showed big sharp teeth (“All the better to eat you with!”).

Then the lady came out of the mirror and made the monster go away.

Jenny went to pee, and when she came back, the lady tucked her in just like Mama did. She was a pretty lady. Her eyes were clear and dark like Mama’s.

"Can you be a big girl and promise not to tell anyone I was here?" the lady said.

Jenny nodded. The lady smiled. A candy bar appeared in her hand.

"For later," she said.

Then she disappeared.

regina as an awesome superhero taking out demons and saving little kids yes

I have no idea what you’re talking about.

*hides the drawings of the costume*