I get scared. Often. I’ve been alone in my love life for my entire life. I had one boyfriend (when I thought I was straight…) and then that one mistake of a girlfriend right before you. I’m so not used to being loved like you love me. I’m not used to someone actually wanting to hold me, touch me, kiss me, be with me. It’s all so new to me and you are so good at giving me time.
I’m not normal. Well, we all know I’m strange, different, unique and often questionable, but I’ve always felt I was different then everyone else. I don’t feel emotions the same way. Good emotions at least.
When we’re living the long distance part of our relationship I sometimes question my love for you. But here’s the thing, when I’m with you, when I get to be with you, touch you, feel you, I feel this strong, unexplainable love and passion towards you. It’s when I’m with you that I know I love you, so when we’re on the phone, and you say, “Do you love me?” And I say, as shy, uncertain and timid as possible, “Yes.” And you need to ask, “Promise?” I do promise. I promise because I know deep down in my heart and soul that I love you. That I’m just scared of love, something I haven’t experienced for most of my life.
I’ll say things I don’t mean. Often. It’s something I do, often. Don’t pay attention to it half the time. I love to talk. I love to just talk about nothing half the time and it’s so silly and I should learn to stop. But I have to say what’s on my mind.
I love you. I love you. I love you.
You turn my world upside down, giggle, and flip it right side up again.
You’re amazing. And even if I’m scared now, in four years, when you ask me to marry you I am positive I will say yes. :) Thank you so much for being patient with me, for being slow just when I need it. You are my everything.
All my lovin’,